You know how it is when you’re thinking of getting into a new relationship?
Maybe you just got out of one. Maybe one just got you out of it.
Maybe it’s been a while and it’s just that time.
And you get to (over)thinking about things.
You’ve got your friends close by to help you through the confusion, in theory, and to encourage you along in your decision and your actions.
You’ve got the goof friends who will tell you to “take a chance”.
Two things for one to consider, not in order of philosophical status or intrinsic wisdom.
When I was twenty:
I’ve mentioned this theory to a lot of guys I’ve known. Too many I’ve spoken – just conversationally, not as a test group, no empirical observations – with a bunch of guys from my general era, and then X-ers and Y-ers and Millennials who seem to be able relate to this at least once in their lives.
You casually, unintentionally and fatefully meet a girl, and once your eyes are back in their sockets, your jaw is off the floor, and your brain is back between your ears, you actually start hearing what this girl is saying, enamored by how she says it.
Her laugh is intoxicating, she looks you right in the eye when they’re listening to you.
She asks all you want them to, they get you to genuinely strut your genuine stuff, and you don’t have to play those games you hate.
The ones you really suck at.
The two of you are truly getting to open up comfortably and get a good look at who the other is.
Could not have gone better.
And with the scent of her body spray caressing your memories, the joyous twinkle in her eyes the shining stars of those memories, you think immediately of the next time you’ll see her, and you come to realize:
“exactly what the fuck can I do for an encore??!?!?!? Oh shit, I’m gonna blow it. Oh shit, I’m gonna blow it.
Oh shit! I’m gonna blow it. Oh shit!! I’m gonna blow it!!”
Guys will do that. Actually get the first taste of honey before they decide they’re never gonna be able to get it.
Like they’re not even good enough to get a taste, but somehow they did.
Why bother? She’ll just break it off anyway.
All the stuff you would have been telling yourself before you met her if only you had the chance for the emasculating forethought.
You have just started talking yourself out of asking her on your first date after you’ve already actually had it.
And the self-doubt invites all its little friends in the back door to help torment you in all your resplendent self-degradation.
And why do guys do that?
’cause that’s the way it went with the last girl. Second time, maybe third time around – nothing. It’s like you were the opening act for some headliner maybe way later in the evening,
You had been one of the endless warm up dates leading to the consummation of their eventual perfect marriage to someone nothing like you.
Now, normally this entire scenario takes place right behind a guy’s eyelids before he can even say “Uhhhwudyabeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyaaahhhhcawdidwimmehmm…?” to the girl the first time, and it plays itself out on a loop unlessl he can finally, convincingly and preferably realistically remind himself he needs to
And girls… young ladies… all you incredible women out there… and even the ol’ broads who somehow stumbled across this blog and expected something a bit different from a guy who’s seriously considering moving into a Senior Living community…
you’re worse than the guys are.
We see you and the face passed, if you have two of them, in front, and we can discern some sort of mass from across a football field …
… more often than not, that last bitch is out of the picture. As long as you have stepped in center frame, that skank is elbowed out of the picture and the frame. Only way a guy will even think about her again is out of spite, telling his buddies and himself how much hotter you are.
Even when he knows you’re not and you know that he knows, even when you are.
But with the women, guys… the way you pound the ketchup out of a bottle is going to bring that last douche bag to mind.
Guys should be more like that.
So if someone tells you “Take a chance!” – you guys, you girls, LBGT, Khloe, Taylor, whoever – they’re not doing you a favor.
“Taking a chance” puts too much pressure on you. You have to try certain things, whether they work or not, time will tell –
and if for some reason, things just don’t turn out the way you wanted, then it’s easy to accept some sort of blame for the both of you.
You can’t make certain things happen.
You’ve got to let them happen.
And if it’s not happening quite the way you mean it to…
let it happen anyway. Any way it was meant to.
You stand to lose a hell of a lot more than you ever imagined.
And we’re back to when I was twenty and I learned that the very, very hard way.